October 14th

Day 14: Original October

(Day 44: Simply September, Day 75: Accountable August, Day 106: Jenn in July, Day 136: Journey Continued June, Day 167: Made it May, Day 197: Appreciation April, Day 228: Mending March, Day 256: Fitness February, Day 287: No Junk Food January)

I’ve had a difficult time lately clearing my mind and focusing on what I’d like to write about.  This journey has brought so many great things into my life; I feel empowered by the fact that I have made so many positive changes, but I’m left wanting.  I’m wanting and needed changes that I personally have no control over outside of saying yes or saying no.  It’s left me standing here… waiting on someone else’s decision in order to make my own move.  It really has succeeded to suck the energy out of life lately.  I know I should just stay focused on my own goals, the ones I can control, but I can’t… and there for my own goals are being compromised.

I’m not afraid of life, to let the good and the bad happen; to find that silver lining in the gray rain clouds.  I know everything will eventually fall into place, to be exactly what it is meant to be.  It’s just that I’m tired… The life changes have lead me to open up my heart, body, mind and soul and it hurts so much when others take advantage of the goodness you offer.  “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13 NLT)  I do this, with all of my being.  No, I will not stop… I know even now I am learning something valuable from this, even if it hurts.

We all just march on; travelling, hoping, dreaming, praying.  Keeping the faith.

Original October’s premise was to start drawing and painting, which I have, I just have nothing finished yet to share.  I’ve realized though Original October is also a good time to explore the originality of myself and each person I know in my life.  We are all 1:1 like that commercial says and each of us has unique and special gifts to offer the world, if only we are not afraid to embrace them.  Likewise, embrace each other too.  Life is filled with so many distractions and opportunities to be caught up in the nonsense; we forget to be there for others.  And I most definitely know this is an area I need to work on! 

So I’ll carry on this month, trying to be understating and give time to the areas of life that I cannot control.  Likewise, to put my heart and focus back into the parts of life I do have the ability to make decisions on.  As always, I thank you all for the support, advice and comments as I’ve been sharing this journey over this year.  It has meant the world to me so share each experience, emotion and accomplishment!

September 15th

Day 15: Simply September

(Day 46: Accountable August, Day 78: Jenn in July, Day 107: Journey Continued June, Day 138: Made it May, Day 168: Appreciation April, Day 199: Mending March, Day 227: Fitness February, Day 258: No Junk Food January)

 “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.  It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.”

That is one of my many favorite quotes.  It takes an idea that is so sad and desolate sounding and adds a completely positive and revolutionary idea to it.  There is much and many who may have succeeded to offer up some sort of ‘box of darkness’ to our lives.  The important part is what we do with this box.  It is indeed a gift, albeit a potentially dangerous one, which can offer you the opportunity of a life time… but it’s up to you to choose.  In my opinion you can A. carry the box of dark sadness around with you or B. find a way to use it as the inspiration to overcome what fears or dismays the darkness itself contains.

I picked option B.  It hasn’t always been easy… there have been moment where I’ve found myself back pedaling, but all in all I’d have to thank this year’s journey for finally giving me the chance to annihilate the darkness from the remaining corners of the box!  It’s a liberating feeling to know that you are letting your true inner light shine thought! 

Since Simply September is all about just being me; the ‘journey me’ I have become along the way- I thought this was an important idea to share.  I couldn’t have made all the changes to my life without this someone’s gift of darkness, and oddly- for what it’s worth, I thank them for it!  Sounds crazy, but I’m sure some of you may understand. 

As always a big thank you to all those who are boxes of light in my life!  Much gratitude for always shining so brightly!

September 9th

Day 8: Simply September

(Day 39: Accountable August, Day 70: Jenn in July, Day 100: Journey Continued June, Day 131: Made it May, Day 161: Appreciation April, Day 192: Mending March, Day 220: Fitness February, Day 251: No Junk Food January)

So to those who follow, I apologize for my lack of writing during Accountable August. Something happened last month… if felt more like Apathetic August. There is good news that came out of the unfortunate month of August though- and that is the renewed drive, the reminder of where I’ve been and how far I’ve come, and the lesson that things in life don’t always go as YOU want them to. So it’s very much a ‘pull up your socks’ moment; time to move on and let go of the anxieties and uncertainties.

Hence the name for September was born, ‘simply’. For this month I have set myself no huge goals, no crazy ploys… for the Simply September I am to be just me. To have the faith in myself each day to make the right choices, to build on the inner confidences I’ve developed, to learn from my failures rather than be downtrodden by them, etc. I know there is the inner will power to do and be so much more; I’ve proof of that happening this year so far. It is important that one letdown never be a reason not to try again!

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 1 Corinthians 9:24. The prize is not literal; it’s not some gold medal standing on the highest place on the podium. The material gold medal is worthless compared to the amount of inner worth this journey has taught me to seek. Rather, I see the prize as a ‘centered me’, a confidante being physically, spiritually and emotionally. Someone that can take on all that life gives, that finds happiness in the world they surround themselves with.

Examine defeats, failures, and missed opportunities. Explore the positive changes needed. Extract the joy, subtract the pain. Expand the mind. Endeavor daily.

Side note, eight weeks now and I’ve managed to stay away from soda! Woo hoo! Don’t even miss it, which is great!

Thank you all! The support though out this year has been amazing and continues to inspire me to complete this year long journey!

July 25th

Day 25: Jenn in July

(Day 55: Journey Continued June, Day 86: Made it May, Day 116: Appreciation April, Day 147: Mending March, Day 175: Fitness February, Day 206: No Junk Food January)

Twenty days later… I’ve had one soda.  Completely by accident!  A diet ginger ale decided to jump into my vodka last Friday.  Ooops. 

But in other news- weight loss still holds firm, haven’t lost or gained any this past month.  I have changed up my exercise and am working hard to stick with in the perimeters of healthy eating.  I know it’s just the first huge plateau I’ve hit along this journey.  Always reminding myself that now more than ever it is important to stay focused and on track!  And no matter what (outside of gaining it all back, lol) loosing fifty plus pounds in less than eight months is fantastic in my book!

The staying focused part is key … I’ve found my mind drifting lately.  All good thoughts and wonders, but I don’t want my minds idle wanderings to take me off track.  Hence, if I’m reviewing the same issues over and over perhaps it’s time to bring them to the fore front!  I summed up the contemplations as an early midlife crisis, hahaha!  Gave me a good giggle!  I guess with personal change and growth it can only lead to seeking bigger and better for all areas of life.  The problem comes with feeling ‘stuck’.  Though I know I’m not really stuck, more mentally mired down.  I need to give thoughts on financial, work and relationship situations considerable attention.  Mostly I know that my own mind is the one stopping me from achieving what I need [want].  If weight loss has taught me only one thing it would be your personal mindset, will power and faith to obtain a goal can make you (or break you).  You have to want it more than anything you’ve ever wanted in the world.  Only then do you find ways to move mountains and ford rivers.

That being said- it brings me back around to faith.  When I was finally able to let go of control and stop asking for what I wanted… that’s when things started happening.  It’s not that I didn’t make my own choices… God wasn’t sending me a delivery guy with egg white omelets every evening, lol.  I asked for the fortitude and will to make the best choices.  Temptations as always were around every corner.  The ‘devil’ was on his side saying “Hey it’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno!”  It was my very own test of faith- in myself and in the power of allowing God in…  Now I can apply that lesson to the situations listed above that I’m considering.  Financially- do I really need to buy new nail polish or movie?  Work related- what tools do I need to do to help myself succeed?  Relationships- pray, continue to have faith and continue to build strong foundations with those around me who are an important part of my life.

I have given considerable thought to what August’s goals will be.  It seemed only right with the questions that won’t leave me alone that August be dubbed Accountable August.  Rules of engagement include saving approximately thirty percent of every dollar earned, reviewing and listing work skills and having faith.  With the work related thoughts I’d like to also take time to consider what it is I’d really like to pursue…  little scary and shocking to realize you’re thirty years old and your absolutely clueless as to what that may be, lol!

As always, forever grateful and thankful for all of you who have shared in on this journey with me!   

July 16th

Day 16: Jenn in July

(Day 46: Journey Continued June, Day 77: Made it May, Day 107: Appreciation April, Day 138: Mending March, Day 166: Fitness February, Day 197: No Junk Food January)

Day eleven of no soda… not so bad in all honesty! 

I have been conflicted with what to write about today.  Over this past half year I’ve touched on so many topics from diet, to exercise, to mental and spiritual well-being…  I’ve noted that over time as I go back and re-read my old posts it’s not so much that my opinion has changed, but it definitely has been broadened.  With each success and triumph I’ve learnt something new and likewise with every failure or mistake.  It’s all an ever evolving journey with the hope that I become a more centered being.

So here are a few viewpoints of where I’m at today.

SUCCESS:  That’s a tricky one!  Just when you reach a goal and feel you have success you realize there is so much more you can do!  There for the success of one’s life is infinite… and I REALLY like that thought!  Even in death the success of your life has the potential to live on in the world; gives you an amazing sense of immortality.  Mayhap I am a bit idealistic with my views, I think outside the box… But I feel most of us want to leave some sort of everlasting mark on this world and this could be the way we do it; through our success.

FAILURE:  Unlike success, it seems like such a finite word.  That once we have failed that’s it!  It’s over!  But I see failures and mistakes as a lesson.  What can we take away from the experience?  What can we do to succeed next time?  How can we take the negative and turn it in to a positive?  If a failure isn’t addressed automatically by a million ‘what if’ and ‘how to’ questions then the failure will consume us… and only when it consumes and we give up do we really fail.  I try not to let my fears of being told ‘NO’, ‘you can’t’ or the millions of other negative comments keep me from pursuing my goals.  I use it as an opportunity to explore that section of your life; and often remind myself that what is meant to be will be (though a certain amount of energy, work and determination are required).

POSITIVITY/NEGATIVITY:  the yin and yang, light and dark, happy and sad of the world.  We can’t go around in life complaining about everything and everyone and expect to be happy and content with ourselves.  Most often I have to remind myself that everyone has their struggles, chances are we don’t know what they even are.  What a better way to live giving encouragement, advice and well wishes to others during their time of struggle (the positivity) than bad talking, mocking or IGNORING (the negative).  Be the friend to others you wish to have in this world.

I do my best to positively reach out to the world and the people in it every day.  I remind myself that there is nothing expected from the world or others in return for what I offer.  Through my deeds and successes I open a door inside to a happy life.  As always, thank you… forever grateful.

July 9th

Day 9: Jenn in July 

(Day 39: Journey Continued June, Day 70: Made it May, Day 100: Appreciation April, Day 131: Mending March, Day 159: Fitness February, Day 190: No Junk Food January)

Here we go!!  Another new month with new goals and objectives!  Jenn in July is going to encompass many of the things I’ve wanted to do or have needed to do, but have put off because I’m scared, lazy, etc.  Of course as with every new month all the previous objectives from the months before still apply!  With it being month seven now, things are a bit crazy!!  So many wonderful ideas that help keep me on track and motivated.

The first HUGE goal for July that I have been sloughing off is giving up soda completely!  I was a big cheater- still drinking zero calorie sodas.  Enough is enough!  I know that even zero calorie sodas are not all the great for you, so soda is out… for the rest of the year!!  Thanks to those who made the suggestions- the V8 V-fusion is pretty tasty with a nice natural energy kick!  And La Croix and Schweppes flavored seltzer water gives you the soda fizz I am missing!  So if I’m a little cranky and caffeine deprived over the next few days while I detox, I apologize.

One other I can discuss now was getting back on my strict diet which includes logging everything I eat or drink.  It’s a pain in the butt sometimes to note every item that goes into your mouth, but it seriously opens your eyes to your eating habits (good and bad).  For the past four days (had a little bit of a late start with July- figured I’d enjoy Independence Day) everything eaten/drank has been accounted for.  I know using this method helped me to successfully lose my first 50 pounds! I am shooting for 20 more pounds on top of that first 50… and since today was weigh in day I can proudly say already down the first 2 pounds out of the 20!  Proof to me that diet is one of the most important keys to my weight loss success.  (And a reminder- starting weight was 207 pounds on January 1^st, 2014… after 50 pounds lost I was at 157 pounds around May 2014.  Around 155-153 currently… the 140s are so CLOSE!!)

There are lots of other little things, but I will blog about them after they are done.  No counting my chickens before the eggs hatch, lol

Moving forward one day at a time… Keeping my heart and mind positive…  Always grateful and forever thankful for all the support, motivation and help over this past year so far!  Looking forward to the new and exciting things ahead in July!!  Stay tuned!

June 30th

Day 30: Journey Continued June 

(Day 61: Made it May, Day 91: Appreciation April, Day 122: Mending March, Day 150: Fitness February, Day 181: No Junk Food January)

Between tomorrow and the day after- I am half through the year of my journey experiment!  I’m pretty excited that for the most part, for over 180 DAYS I have done my best to stay true to myself and my goals.  With July looming over my head just a few hours away, I’m still undecided on what the goal should be.  I’ve polled Facebook as usual and the best… but the WORST, is Jogging July.  Nothing better than 90 degree days jogging in humidity you can cut with a knife.  But on the flip side, what a goal to achieve that would be!!  We’ll see haha! 

Most of my goals and achievements have been set to force myself to go beyond what I thought my limits were.  I’ve noticed, especially as I’ve gotten older, that life can be a little mundane and repetitive.  We get up, go to work, eat, relax, sleep… rinse, wash, and repeat.  We crave something more, but we don’t know what it is we want.  My own personal experience has led me to feel it is CHANGE!  Doesn’t have to be a big change- these little, silly goals are that exact change my life was in need of.  I can’t share enough the overall transformation of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. 

Sadly, the fear of failure often holds us back.  I know it sure held me back!  The problem there is that most of our dreams and desires go undiscovered because of our fears…  woah!  Trust me; I haven’t 100% of the time stuck to my diet plan and goals.  Does that mean I’ve failed?  NO!  The fact that I realize my error and correct my ways keeps me on the track I need to be on to succeed.  In my opinion, I will only fail if I give up my passions, internalize my feelings, and/or/but not limited to lose the faith, trust, and confidence I have built up with in myself over these past six months.  So, eat the ice cream!  …and then do some sit ups! ;-)  All of life in a special balance.

So tomorrow is a new month and another day.  181 days taken day by day, 184 more days to go!  As always I’m grateful to share this journey with you all!  Thank you for the motivation to continue and the chance to inspire!